I saw my doctor today and got the final diagnosis on what the mass was. NOT lung cancer. A carcinoid tumor in my lung. Very different from lung cancer. Rare. It is technically considered a cancer but no where near as serious as lung cancer. From what I have been told it was a slow-growing tumor, not known how long I had had it, not sure what caused it. It was completely removed and was not in my lymph nodes. So it is gone. There is no need for further treatment, just follow-up with chest x-rays at intervals.
Now while the sound of cancer is still scary, I realize that this scenario could have been so different. I feel blessed beyond measure. The joint pain still has not been an issue. I feel that I am walking the road towards my healing. Whatever my path I know without a doubt that He is with me every step. I trust Him completely. It feels good to say that. I couldn't for a long time.
I have always been a thinker. Let me change that. I have always been an OVER-thinker. For as long as I can remember I have tried to figure out the answers for everything. "Why are we here, what is our purpose, what is life about, how is it that we believe differently and who is right?" I have never been one of those people who can just accept things simply. "I go to this church because my mama did and so that's why I believe the way I do." So what if your mama raised you in a different church, with different beliefs? You would then believe a different way, right?
I don't mean to sound negative about my life. Not at all. I have had a wonderfully happy life and know that I have been blessed in countless ways. I know that. I would not change a thing about my life. I have just always been aware that for me, something was missing. I know that it was spiritual. I'm not sure why this quest to find out the truth was so all-important to me, but it was. There are many, many people who are either just satisfied with what they believe or who are content to just believe nothing at all. I could find no rest in either one of those ways. Because I couldn't settle I begin to ask myself some very deep questions. I went back to the core of what I really believed. I asked myself, "So Vicky...do you believe in God"? I thought about evolution. I read about atheism. I studied the Bible. I researched it all. It did not take long for the fact that there is a God to settle within me. 100% of me believes in a Master Creator. The absolute perfectness of creation and the universe does not allow me to believe otherwise. I find it much easier to believe that "God has always been" rather than "we came from nothing". So with that fact settled, I searched on. "Are we here for a reason?" Well if God created us, we must be. It makes sense to believe that we are. And so then I think about the Bible. And how long it has been around. How it cannot be destroyed. Now I know that it was man who actually wrote the Bible, I've heard that and actually said that a lot in my life. "Written by man but inspired by God". That seems impossible to think about, but I can tell you that there have been so many times that I have picked that Bible up in the midst of my despair and it spoke to me. That I cannot deny. Jesus? Was He really here on earth as the Son of God? Was He really born to a young virgin girl? As a man did He really love like that and teach like that and heal like that? Did He die an awful death? For us to be able to live forever? Was He really raised from the dead and now lives with the God who created us? Is that true? How incredible to believe that. How absolutely beautiful and amazing to believe in the hope that that brings. To us. To me. Why was it so hard to just embrace this as truth and be satisfied? I had too much religious baggage. Too many questions with no answers. Too many unanswered prayers.......
Again, I thank you for your prayers. Thank you for reading my blogs. Thank you for staying with me. I continue to heal as you walk beside me.
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