At The End Of The Lane

I took a walk down the lane early this morning, just as the sun was coming up. I honestly used to dread walking my dog Eli....that was before I discovered the lane. Now it seems I can't get there soon enough, much to Eli's delight. In the early morning the air is still cool and the dew is still there. No leash for Eli, as there are no houses, no traffic, just a horse and a couple of ponies grazing. They are used to us now and they don't even stare anymore. We have met rabbits and turtles on the lane, even a snake or two. The smell of honeysuckle and the beauty of the wildflowers cause me to smile every time. The thing I look for the most are the deer. The woods down the lane are full of them. Very rarely do they allow us to see them, but I know that they are there by the fresh prints of hooves in the dirt. Some days I stand very still and stare into the woods hoping to catch a glimpse of one. Don't tell anyone, but I have even yelled out to them. "Come on out, we won't hurt you!. We just want to see you!" Silly, I know.
Eli walks far ahead of me, oblivious to my singing..... or to my crying. With no one around, no one to judge me, I feel free enough to open up. People would think I had lost it, but the animals don't mind. As I walk, my joys, cares and worries just seem to surface. The faster I walk the louder I sing. Or cry. When I get to the end of the lane sometimes I am sobbing. I just stand there with no person looking and I cry. Some days the crying is joyful. The peace and thankfulness I feel is overwhelming at times. Some days I stare up at the sky and I cry and wonder if He is really there at all. I stand very still and stare upwards, hoping to catch a glimpse of Him. Once I even cried out, "Where are You? Why don't You speak to me? What is this all about?" The questioning and confusion I feel is overwhelming at times.
Then I remember the deer prints in the dirt. I stand in the quiet and look, and listen. I hear the birds and no words can describe their sound in the early morning. The soft wind blows the smell of the honeysuckle my way and I smile. I look and see the trees, the wildflowers, the clouds, the sun, the horses, my Eli. I close my eyes and enjoy the sense of peace and thankfulness that washes over me, if only for this moment. He lets me know that, like the deer, even though I can't always see or feel Him, He is there. He has left His prints for me. For us. I am thankful.
I am so looking forward to my walk tomorrow. Down the lane.